A Love Letter to Vidin
One of the most memorable performances of my life took place in Vidin, Bulgaria last year with the International Musicians Academy.
I had just finished the first year of my master's degree and had been studying Beethoven's Fourth Piano Concerto. I was thrilled to make my first international concerto debut, especially with such a phenomenal orchestra.
This was only the second concerto I had ever performed, and fittingly, my second Beethoven concerto as well.
Looking back, this opportunity came at exactly the right moment in my life.
At the time, I was experiencing severe burnout. I had gone straight from my bachelor's degree into my master's program, and I was beginning to wonder if I had made the right choice.
I felt like I never had time to rest. No matter how hard I worked, I constantly felt that I wasn't good enough. The previous year had been filled with performances, classes, rehearsals, and countless accompanying responsibilities.
Music had stopped feeling like something I loved and had become something I depended on to survive. It put food on the table, but somewhere along the way, it had stopped being fun.
One afternoon, I found myself sitting outside the concert hall with a Coca-Cola in hand. A strange and very specific feeling came over me that I had never experienced before.
I felt satisfied. I felt happy. I felt enough.
For years, I had planned to pursue a doctoral degree. I was already preparing my audition repertoire and thinking about the next step. But at that moment, I realized I didn't want to continue down that path. I didn’t feel like I needed to.
I wrote down my thoughts and revisited them several days later. Nothing had changed.
I wanted to start a family. I wanted to finish my master's degree and then step away from school.
I didn't feel like I needed another degree or another accomplishment to prove anything. For the first time, I finally felt finished—not in a sad way, but in the way a book feels complete when you reach the last page and close it.
When performance day arrived, I felt unusually calm. I knew it was going to go well, and it did. It was easily one of the best performances I’ve ever given.
As I played, I was overcome with an unexpected sense of nostalgia, as though I was already remembering the experience while I was living it. It felt like one of those memories that would stay with me for the rest of my life.
By the end of the performance, I was in tears. I knew I would miss it.
Today, when I think back on that season of my life, I remember how overwhelmed I felt—how much stress, sadness, and self-doubt I carried with me.
And then I remember Bulgaria.
For the first time in a long time, I felt like I belonged. I felt content with who I was and where I was headed.
It was the best trip of my life. Even now, I think about it almost every day.
That performance reminded me why I became a musician in the first place. I believe we are given certain opportunities exactly when we need them. Bulgaria was one of those opportunities for me.
It reminded me that music was never the problem. I had just forgotten why I loved it.
Sinfonietta Vidin
Ovidiu Marinescu, Conductor
International Musicians Academy, Bulgaria
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