Becoming a Real Musician

A couple of weeks before giving birth to my son, I had my final lesson of graduate school with my professor. He told me, “Now it’s time for you to become a real musician.”

I thought to myself, “I’m already a musician! What does this mean?”

He continued by explaining how, while we’re in school, we’re so focused on perfection and precision. Every note, every technique, everything has to be perfect. When you step away from school, what do you do then? Maybe we lose some of that perfection and precision. But we gain something even greater: real musicianship.

It’s a totally different experience when you’re no longer studying under a teacher each week. Your interpretations of a piece are now fully your responsibility. I used to think I would feel lost without a teacher, and I did at first. But now I love the feeling of each piece being so completely me.

Don’t get me wrong—it’s always a great idea to get a second opinion on pieces before a big performance. I won’t go through the rest of my life without ever taking another piano lesson. I love continued learning, and it makes me feel incredibly fulfilled.

My education is now completely my responsibility. No classes, no deadlines, no research papers to turn in. It’s up to me what I want to learn. I think there’s something beautiful about being completely independent.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that becoming a real musician had less to do with practicing alone and more to do with learning where inspiration comes from.

I find that I gain the most inspiration for music when I’m outdoors. My favorite place in the world right now is Lake Tahoe. I take my family there whenever I can, and I always leave planning the next trip or the next weekend we can go back. The sound of the waves, the sights around me, the tall trees, the color of the water, the warmth of the sand—it’s all music. Even the world around us sings its own songs, like the planets moving while we are completely still.

I gain a lot of inspiration when I’m sitting in church. Maybe someone says something to the congregation that I write down, bring home, and study more deeply, then implement in my life.

I get some of my greatest inspiration for love and music from my son, Bennett. His Baby Einstein Aquarium plays very familiar tunes, which I then play for him on the piano. And he recognizes them! I was playing the fourth movement of Ernest Bloch’s Concerto Grosso No. 1, which is a fugue, and I found him singing along with the voices. When I stopped playing, he stopped singing. When I started playing again, he sang along. It’s beautiful to watch his growth through music and to see the role it plays in his overall development.

Lastly, I gain inspiration through my students. Their eyes light up when I give them their first big performance piece or when we play piano four-hands music together. I try my best to continue learning so that I always have something more to give them. Like my son, music plays a very important role in their development and overall learning.

Maybe this is what my professor meant when he told me it was time to become a real musician. Not that I wasn't already one, but that I was finally responsible for deciding what kind of musician I wanted to be.

Becoming a real musician is now up to me. It’s up to me what I want to learn, what pieces I want to play, and when and where I want to perform. I’m still figuring out what that looks like, but I think that’s part of becoming a real musician, too.